The past

2005-02-20T14:22:00.000+08:00

"...and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" 2 Cor 3:17b
this is wad god has promise...but where the freedom??there was...but it was gone...i shut myself up...
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which had been opened for us."~anonymous
where's the door?? God had open a door for mi...which is to let mi noe him..indeed, i found my happiness in him...

2005-02-20T14:20:00.000+08:00

To Let go does not mean to stop caring...
...it means I can't do it for someone else.
To Let go is not to cut myself off...
...it is the realization I can't control another.
To Let go is not to enable...
...but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To Let go is to admit powerlessness...
...which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To Let go is not to try to change or blame another...
...it's to make the most of myself.
To Let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To Let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To Let go is not to judge...
...but to allow another to be a human being.
To Let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes...
...but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To Let go is not to be protective...
...it's to permit another to face reality.
To Let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To Let go is not to nag, scold, or argue...
...but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To Let go is not to adjust everything to my desires...
...but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To Let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody...
...but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To Let go is not to regret the past...
...but to grow and live for the future.
To Let go is to fear less, and love more.

~Author Unknown

2005-02-19T10:36:00.000+08:00

well, trying again...but sometimes cant....i really feel tat this thing is stopping to grow spritually..like wad i tell DL...is a stupid thinking...i know this was wrong...but dunno y....haix...

2005-02-17T12:36:00.000+08:00

This is another journal which i wrote when i was in sec 1..actually really miss those days...

Date: 30/4/2003 Wednesday

Today, I went to the Macdonald to meet my ex-schoolmates. Lee Kiang also called Khai Yew to go. I was so happy to see my good friends who I didn’t meet for a long time. There are Xin Yuan, Wan Yu, Zhi Lin, Amanda, Yun Guan and of course Lee Kiang. Lee Kiang also brings Khai Yew’s friend, Jie Ling along.

When we (Anna and me) reached there, we saw Khai Yew and the 1C guy, Murphy. When they saw us, they ran away. We (Lee Kiang, Yun Guan, Anna and I) then waited for the rest to come.

When they come, they wanted to know who is that guy (Khai Yew). When they know who is Khai Yew, they wanted to see how he looked so they went to look at him. This made him embarrassed so he went out of the Macdonald. Xin Yuan asked me whether I liked him or not. I didn’t smile and say no. She quite understands me. She also says that I better don’t like him because he’s so ugly. She says that Murphy is better than him.

After that, Khai Yew’s friends come. They also want to know who is the girl he liked so 1 guy went in and asked. Later, another guy went and say that Khai Yew like me in his heart. I say nothing but my friends say that they know already.

After that, I have to go back to school for my CCAs.

When I reached home from my CCAs, I called them and asked what happened. They told me that Khai Yew say that he has no chance because I liked Winstar. Xin Yuan then told him who is Winstar. She says that Winstar is a guy better than him. Khai Yew also says that I’m avoiding him.

At night, Lee Kiang and I called _____. We talked for a hour more. After I asked who he liked before. He say that he cannot say because someone is there. After that, he don’t care and say it. One of them is me. I was shocked. I think that I guessed correctly. It should be the christmas night.

However , I think that i start to like _____. I don’t know.

2005-02-17T12:31:00.000+08:00

Today, i arranged my diskette and found out some things which i wrote when i was in sec one...it is abt mi and him...

Date: 27 / 4 / 2003 Sunday
Yesterday, Lee Kiang whom i treated as my good frenz tries to trick me by using her 3-a phone. Khai yew was at the other line. It is because Khai yew wanted to noe whether I like him. The answer is I dun noe. Sometimes I really hate him a lot (not really hate lah is just dun really like him
. But I never or I dun think I like him. I so confused. I thought this would end already. So how am I going to answer him? I just tell lee kiang that I preferred winstar but now I dun like winstar already. Winstar is so different from khai yew. Winstar, I didn't see winstar saying vulgar languages but khai yew say. I dun mind him saying a few but he say a lot. So how? I always say about winstar in front of him. That’s maybe I hope that he would like me and I think he did. Or it because I wanted to tell him that I dun like him.
Nowadays, I heard people saying that sheryln and zeng yang had broken. Heard that sheryln like her chairman. Another is that they say Sheyln wanted to concentrate on her studies.
Now i also heard that winstar and jia yun dun like each other already. Winstar like another girl who is one of jia yun's best frenz. Jia yun, i dunnoe why?
Another is that clement and Amanda also broke up.both of them are sad.especial Amanda. I met her as she look a bit sad but i can see she is very sad Why so many things happened this year. i hope that we could still in last year when every one is well. When i didn't met khai yew. And we get along well with winstar and Yi Qin. When sheryln and zeng yang be together.when Amanda and clement and also get together.last is winstar and jia yun.

2005-02-08T11:31:00.000+08:00

today, i got my true love wait ring. Hmm..i guess it is too small for mi...tat hy lahx...tell mi size 9 can fit...in the end cant...hahaz....size 10 also cant...think need 11 or 12...hMm...this ring is a symbol of my promise to god tat i will remain pure..pure as in not engaing pre maritial sex and try to remain single till around 19-21 yr old...i wanna fulfil my promise to god!!!cos i feel tat at this age if u have a relationship, it wun last long...u would mostly end up breaking up...wad for waste time...wanna be more mature then involve in relationship...and wad guys say is always not true...jus pack some stuff recently and saw the letters and cards he gave mi...and sort of rmb some stuff in the past...and everything is different...promises are jus meant to be broken!!

2005-02-05T12:50:00.000+08:00

I'M HEALED!!!!I'M FREE!!!!hahax

2005-02-05T12:43:00.000+08:00

wahx...jus realise i actually nv update this for very long time le...if see the previous post and the one before tat, it is 1 mth plus nv update...hMm...actually can close this blog already...this already past so long...lolx...hMm...nothing to do also...so go change the template of the blog...hahax...change also no use..change for myself to see only...lolx

2005-02-01T11:34:00.000+08:00

last sat sermon was an awesome one..i realise tat i actually have a new nature within mi when i receive christ...but i keep myself in the old nature...trying to get off of the old nature but i couldn't...or was i already staying in the new nature as when i receive christ tat time, we were steads already...??i dun think so bahx...trying hard to stay in the new nature of mi...i noe tat god has already plan everything..but..........haix...true love waits...=)

2004-12-28T09:40:00.000+08:00

hAix...actually dun feel lyk to update this...but dunno y...haix..ytd ks were like keep asking y we break..then also ask mi whether i still lyk qy notx..i said no...then when he come...he go ask him in front of mi somemore ...wade...then like very pai seh lohx..suan le...then ytd qy keep chatting in the phone..then pl ah...keep wondering who he toking to...while wad i think is some new stead probably?lolx...nv care so much...then after tat..at ecp...he give mi a praying bear fer x'maz prezzie...sho kwel...last time wannna buy this bear de but think is lyk wasting money...lolx...
today..i told jeslin how i feel lerx...told everything to her lerx...those tat nobody noes...mayb this can feel better bahx...dunno lahx...actually wanna forget abt all of this...but scar is always there...how to forget....honestly lahx...i dun even noe if i still lyk him notx...sometime lyk only..is it??

2004-12-18T15:01:00.000+08:00

today, went out with xinyuan...nearly lose my spec..hehex...hmm..she reminded mi wad shi huan say..this is how shi huan say when ppl ask abt her ex...--i fail my history..i dunno anything le..so dun ask mi--hmm...interesting rite??dunno lehx..i jus find it quite true...jus forget everything can le...including the good one...cos in this way, u cant compare the good memories and the bad ones...true??hmm..mayb now focus more on studies and god...cos is important...all relationship cant last very long except the relationship with god...tat wad i feel...cos god promise to give us eternal life..so we can always be with him if we folo wad he told us to do...=) amen??

2004-12-16T11:24:00.000+08:00

today went out with wy and jw...when go home...mi and jw was chating abt our relationship...hMm...question abt whether i still like him not was coming out again...i do??abit bahx...but dun wanna think so much already...wad past is already past....he also dun lyk mi le bahx...wad fer thinking...no pt mahx....haix...

2004-12-02T00:20:00.000+08:00

5 days already...wahx...sianx...this 5 nitez cant slp lohx...keep dreaming of him..how come arhx..???everytime dream of him sure wake up de...then after tat very hard to go back to slp lehx...haix...stressed!!!

2004-11-27T11:10:00.000+08:00

our relationship finally end today...he sms to tell mi..at tat time i was at cell grp....hMm...dunno y...got a sudden freedom suddenly gush out..also dunno y...was this wad i anticipated de?hmm...now we are jus like b4...gor and mei only

2004-11-26T10:56:00.000+08:00

(i update when i came back frm dk chalet)
hMm...dk chalet arhx...not so fun...quite sian...23 nitez...i was like very bad lehx...i was toking to my pri skool fren(guy) on the fone cos is his bdae the next day...but the next day was also mi and his 9th mth annivesary...he sms mi but i din reply..so bad hor...but tat time i wasnt even bother...the next day i was going tm with jes and kc...i saw a cake...like very nice lehx..so bought it fer him...he msg mi say he lurve mi...hMm...my feeling was like "yuCkz"...also dunno y...stead say this to stead is normal wad..but how come??jes and jc were like saying so swit but mi...feeling disgusted...how come?i dun lyk him ler???aRgh..confused...but after tat, he ask mi come out to chat with him..but i wait his sms until slp lerx...feel so sad lehx...argh..how come will sad???

2004-11-23T10:47:00.000+08:00

tml is dk's chalet lerx...dun feel lyk going lorx...also dunno y...got a feeling lyk is because of qy...is lyk i start to hate him already...feel lyk telling him i wanna break...argh..confused lehx...how come i always so undecisive de..buy things also like this...in relationship also like this...dun even noe whether i really lyk him not then stead with him...but how come i got lyk but sometimes dun have??argh!!! we used to say if got prob can tell one another..at first we did...but now...i started to depend more on this blog...feel lyk showing it to him...but lyk very weird..argh...forget it...he jus cant understand gurls...haix...

2004-11-13T02:05:00.000+08:00

hMm...juS coMe bAcK fRm wy's cc...hMm...duN thiNk i lyK hiM liAo leHz....hMm..aLsO duNno y...mayB dUn lyK hIs cHarActeR bAhx...cOs yTd, hE aNd jEm thEy aLL weNt tO sTeAl soMe stUff...wEll, iT is a siN aS wEll aS a cRime...."dO noT sTeAL" iS oNe oF thE cOmmaNdmeNts....sO i wAs quiTe aNgrY witH tHeM...buT i diN cAre sO muCh aBt it...iT thEiR owN fReeDoM tO cHooSe...mAyb thAts y....aLsO not veRy sUre lAhz...feeL lyK bReAkiNg...buT sUaN le...zOu yi bu suAn yi bU loHz...juS tRy tO mAkE myseLf duN geT tOo iNvoLe iN tHis rElAtioNship sO tAt wuN geT huRt oR wAd bAhz...(duNno i wiLL not...) gOd bLezz!

2004-11-06T00:55:00.000+08:00

if u eva c mie walkin beside another guy
its not bcoz i lyk him
its bcoz u never bother to walk beside mie

if u hear mie talkin abt him all the time
its not bcoz he pleases mie
its juz tat u r too deaf to hear my heartbeat

if u see mie fallin wif sumone new
its not bcoz i love him
but bcoz u r not dere to catch me when i fall

dun let mie walk wif him
its u hu i wanna walk wif

dun let mie talk abt him
its u hu i wanna talk abt

dun let mie fall fer him
its u hu i truly wanna love

yes, i will find sum one new in the future
but u'll never b replaced never...

u dunno wat it is lyk to b hurtx..

nth lasts foreva..
i noe tat we can't b together again..
but i m hoping fer a miracle..

2004-10-24T12:30:00.000+08:00

juSt cOmE bAcK fRm cHrUcH...hMm..lEaRn sOmE sTuFf tHeRe...wEll..i tHiNk tAt rElatiOn i cAn foRgEt lErx..lEt hiM dEciDe lOhx...hE wAn bReAk, bReAk lOh...i oNly noE tAt i wAnNa cOmMit mYsElF aNd wHoLe lIvE tO GoD...iF gOd rEaLLy wAn tHe rElAtIoNsHip tO woRk...i believE hE wiLL hElp...sO i sHlD lEt iT gO eAsiLy...sHlDn'T thiNk tOo muCh...muSt sTaE hApPy aNd nO wOrRiEs...bUt tHe bIgGeSt wOrRy iS mY mAtHs...hAix...GOD rUlEz!!

2004-10-24T02:39:00.000+08:00

wade...3 days nv sms lerx lohx...attitude lohx...i nv think i not wrong wad...i also got wrong but he and his fren also have mahx...aiyahx...this relationship dun wan le lahx...break break break lohx..

2004-10-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

today going out with 11 gurls to orchard..a lot horx...hehex...but no xactly happie lahx...mi meeting jw earlier then she say wanna go look fer the guys cos they also going play cs...then we saw them in mac then the guys shouted ee...wade lorx...wad wrong fer wearing skirt...nv see us wear skirt mehx..then everyday in sch wad we wearing...ki siao de lorx...then we wanna go mac so we walk past them..then they ee again lorx...wade...then i jus walk away then jw stop and quarrel with them...later we go mac then they sms to jw say wad i nv c a pig wear skirt and heeled slippers b4...i was also quite a bit angry with him cos he and other guys after tat call jw hp and say her...ur fren kenna tease then sure will angry de...then some more still ask wad fer angry...wad e prob with him lorx....haix..

confused

2004-10-07T06:24:00.000+08:00

today ta_e_t told mi that he heard tat i broke up with qy last nite. He say qy wanna break few weeks ago already but dunno how to say so use py thing to break. Well, we did tok abt breaking up last nite..but it seems like a usual joke. but there's 1 thing..i ask him to decide whether to break anot and he say break....but after tat he say is a joke..then continue to sms using those words like darling, lurve ya blahx...so i dunno whether ta say the correct thing anot

den dk they all ask mi to help him ask him to go out but i told them we broke up. They said i lie cos he was toking abt our anniversary thing. so who was telling the truth??

Honestly, i wasn't sad when ta told mi abt the breaking thing. I only felt pity cos is abt 7 mth plus already. so now, i dunno wad to do..just wanna do well in my exam and pass it with flying colours.

Oh heavenly Father, pls let mi be able to focus on my studies and give mi the knowlege to pass the exam as i noe u are a knowlegeable Father. Father, i prayed that u would give mi the strength to overcome wadeva problems i am facing now. Pls guild mi to the rite way Father. Amen

Alot of haixs...

2004-09-27T07:39:00.000+08:00

Haix...jus created this blog today and very unsure abt this..mayb i get to noe this as yr goes by...
exam coming soon...haix...esp my english...i scared i fail the overall...haix...GOd bless lorz...haix haix...lolx...